"...we stand beneath the set of the stars present at our birth, but from that place seek the hidden, single star, over the night horizon, we did not know we were following..."

~ David Whyte

It was the year 2003 when I came to the revelation that I wanted to devote my life to the health and well-being of animals. It was the ending of one story with the man who fathered my children. It was the failed fairytale of being homesteaders on a piece of land with garden, fruit trees, chickens, and goats. The animals in this story were loved and cared for, but also set into a paradigm of product and ownership. I cared for a herd of twelve goats. I milked four of them and made cheese weekly, selling what their bodies made for their babies for small change. I loved these goats, and in the situation that we were all in we did our very best. They had lots of space. They were well taken care of, but they were in pens, separated from their babies, on scheduled feedings. It was not natural. But what is when humans are involved? 

Although we humans have such an incredible reverence for life and capacity for compassionate action, we also disgrace life for efficiency, gluttony, and selfish gain. Once, I raised ‘meat’ birds, chickens bred to rapidly grow huge for the purpose of human consumption. Once, I did this, but only once.

I raised them. I killed them by slitting their throats. I plucked their feathers off their bodies and froze the carcasses in my freezer. I could not eat them. I could not see the product, only the murdered bird that once lived. I could not swallow this story anymore. 

(Side note: Chickens have been domesticated since 2,000 bc. but they are ancient and have ancestors dating back further than 230 million years ago. We domesticated them to use and abuse, mainly cockfighting, industrial farming, and hobby. Another side note: The word industrial should never be an adjective to describe farming.)

I recognize that the world is how it is, but in many cases, the world is not how it is meant to be. There are karmas lingering due to the actions of the human race. We must accept that we need to take a step from the way things are and investigate the relationship that exists now. Domesticated animals are in relationship with us due to us making that so. It is our duty to take care of them. I believe that a symbiotic, mutually beneficial relationship can be found between humans and animals.

I remember the moment back in 2003 when a thought was born, a spark of union between concept and form; the sperm and the egg conjoined and the cells began to multiply: SANCTUARY. It was to be a word that slipped from my mouth, from my heart into the world over and over again. That heart would break millions of times over and the light would shine through those shattered cracks with more courage daily, for thousands of days. And I always knew to never hold too tightly onto a picture of what I thought I wanted or what I thought my future looked like. I painted the picture in an fluctuating ocean, in the ever changing sky, in the vast unpredictable universe of my mind while I slept, I drew the picture in the words that spilled onto biodegradable paper in flimsy journals making sure that nothing was too solid so that my partner in all of this, that star I did not know I was following, could have her influence upon this new story. 

And here I am 2021 on a 1/4 acre of land (stolen from native people) caring for rescued animals and making space for healing with the intentions to give back, make amends, turn the course towards justice for all living beings, for Black, Brown, Indigenous, people of color, marginalized humans, abused animals, threatened forests, dying waters, the misunderstood and the ones trying to understand.

Oh yes, and me….I am trying to heal me too. I love you.