Morning Pages
Dark morning, candles lit, so quiet, outside and in.The kitty curled around my neck purred in my ear all night while the dogs and I were pieces of a puzzle. My trio of C’s: Casper (the pyrenees), Chico (the kitty from Mexico), and Chiklet (my little Thai rescue) keep me feeling loved.
Today I get to live.
I am so grateful for the food on the table, and the warm home of a house, a helping hand of a friend, content animals, and inspirations such as pottery, house plants to care for, friendships, and this season.
Autumn wins my heart. Autumn is curling into the warmth that is held inside and radiates out like the glow through the windows of a house on a rain drenched night, like the warmth of a stone held in your hand for a long while, like the heartbeat, felt and heard, inside my ribcage. Autumn is the time with late harvest stews on the stove, with laughter over a card game while cinnamon steam rises from handmade mugs resting on the warped wooden table. Autumn is the time to weave stories with your fingers, with imagination, with love:
A meadow slopes down to a glassy mountain lake with highland conifers scattered round the banks. Rocks that have followed the path of least resistance (it’s in their nature) find themselves cuddling in and on the edge of the glacial waters. White lichen tinged with a touch of chartruese make maps on the strong yet porous bodies when angled just right in relation to the sun and tempered by the weather.
I pull back my sight and see sky. You know how you can look up into a clear blue sky with nothing on the periphery of your vision and that blue blankets itself upon your eyes? And you see the nothing of everything? Yeah, like that.
in between the map of lichen on the stone and the vast nothing of sky blue, I find myself among the ten thousand things. The sky is in the mirror of the lake and the lake is in my eye…and this all reminds me of before I was born, before I was form.
And you were there. And you are here. And we have always been together in some constellation of connection. We have been friends in countless formations. Remember that time when you were far away and I wanted you to come home? Remember when it was the other way around? Oh, or that time when I was the villain and you deserved justice? My favorite was when you were my best friend. We said forever and always. But there were times when I was fire and you were the ocean, and I was banished by your touch. And I’ll never forget the longest time ago when we were stardust; indistinguishable from each other. Remember when there was no other? We have learned a lot along the way. We are all that we see, outside and in.
And I take a deep breath and notice that outside my once darkened window there is light seeping upwards from the horizon and the candles burn low, no longer the light in the darkness. I have hope that I can love the darkness in the light and bring forth a brilliant day.
