I have just returned from a tender trip with family. Family is like a puzzle with pieces that can fit together in many ways. I have four siblings; two brothers and two sisters. We span 14 years from youngest to oldest. This gathering was the first time we had been together since my father died in 2016.

I didn’t realize how much I had missed our togetherness. We are a crew of strong headed, big hearted individuals who all live very different lives. Our uniqueness, curiosity, and willingness to let Love umbrella all activities and situations is something I am eternally grateful for. Each of us makes the decision to expand rather than contract.

We grew up in the summers at my grandparents place on a lake in Western New York. This tradition continues to this day and we all returned to a place with memories that weave through generations. I am now one of the elders where once I was the carefree child.

During a blustery sunset eve, the swollen clouds tinged with maroon and tangerine orange light witnessed our ritual of releasing our fathers ashes into the lake. The bleached wooden planks of the dock creaked under our feet as the white capped waves pushed on the pilings that held the dock above water. After sharing tears and truths about this complicated man who we all loved and struggled with, we huddled around my youngest sister who poured the powdery remnants that once was the man who made us all into the dark waters. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust slipped into the water and spiraled out from a center, undulating and unfolding, forging a shape, growing into a form, a body, as if my father was returning for a moment, dropping in to say his final farewell.

We all come and go…..and come again. I am my father’s daughter and I also see him in my children. It is Love that weaves life into the bones of every being. It is Love that expands in all directions.

Ashes to Ashes

Ironic Regret

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